Leaving home, or going home?
by White Crescent
Summary: KUPO! The first POV story I have posted here! *ehem* This is in Squall's POV. About how he felt upon leaving his Matron, and the orphanage, for Garden. I'm not very good with POVs. I'm bad at it..But READ&REVIEW! Help me imrove by dropping in a tip or r


Leaving home, or going home

Disclaimer: Kupo? Of course I don't own Final Fantasy VIII! Squaresoft does!!!! Long live the great SQUARESOFT!!!!

Author's notes: Yessiree, I'm back from a week and a half without Internet. We moved into a new flat so there was no phone for a while! Okay, here's my second POV…strange, I haven't posted my first yet…It's too long!!!! Anyway, this is the first POV that I have posted here in FF.net, but my second try….but you can say it is my first. I'm bad at POV's, trust me, but you can help me by dropping in reviews and tips so that I can improve!! Well, as usual, **READ & REVIEW**-here, they're bold in case you don't stop to read my notes. ^_^ I hope you enjoy reading this…*sigh*

** **

Leaving home, or going home?

I watched Matron as she quietly packed my belongings. I was leaving, going to someplace they called 'Garden'. I turned around. Almost all the little beds were empty; all clean and nicely arranged by Matron, all except Seifer's and mine. They went away and left us here, they went away with people who had promised to give them a home. They went away just like my sis; Ellone. 

"Squall.." 

I turned around and saw my Matron looking at me with a worried look. The worried look that always meant 'are you okay'. I gave her a smile.

"I'm okay, Matron." I said, and she smiled, then returned to packing my things.

Smiling at Matron was easy, as well as with Sis Ellone. But smiling for them, the other kids that once ran all over Matron's home, my home, was hard. I didn't know why, I guess it was just natural…for me. Every time I was with them, no matter how hard I tried to smile, play, and talk with them, I…just couldn't. I wanted so badly to go and play games with them, run, and run and laugh, and laugh, but I just couldn't. 

I know they might I'm a loner, but I'm not. I have feelings, like them. I run, play, smile, and talk like they do……The difference is, I only do those things when I'm with Matron and, or Sis.

"Matron, I'll go to the beach…", I said, and she gave me an acknowledging look, and smile.

Then I started to exit the room. I wasn't worried, she still had to fix Seifer's things after all, that was why. 

I stopped while I was right at the middle of the dining room, and looked at every single thing that made the place a dining room. So many memories were made there.

__

I'm sure they may not think I took notice of those memories, but I did. 

I looked at one of the old chairs and walked towards it. I ran my small fingers on its old wood. That chair was where Quistis sat every meal. 

I felt a pang of pain in my heart. 

__

Quistis had tried her best to cheer me up, acted her very best to become the replacement of Sis. 

Not that I ignored her, no, I was secretly grateful for what she tried to do. But….I never did have the courage to tell her how much she 'affected' me. She was 'adopted', as Matron said, in my own understanding; she was taken to a home.

Nobody wanted to adopt Seifer, or me. When 'they' visit, I hear their voices, talking about us, talking about me.

"That's boy's too quiet, too shy." They had said about me. I knew they were talking about me, because they pointed at me. 

"That boy's too cocky…violent." They had said about Seifer.

Then they described them, the other children, in, probably, the most beautiful way they could. I heard them once talking about Quistis. 

She was pretty, they said, had the leader's character they said.

I wonder why nobody wanted to adopt me? Maybe it was my fault…..I was always afraid that if I were taken to a new home….then how would sis find me? What if she returned to _find me gone? Maybe it was really my fault….the 'sad' face that I almost always had, had probably 'scared' them…… Maybe, just maybe, it's better if I was adopted, I am leaving, and would be if I were adopted….At least if I were adopted, then I would go to a 'home', and not some unknown place called Garden…._

I walked towards the door leading to the beach, and stopped right at the doorframe. Seifer was dancing, dancing madly with his 'princess'. The princess he had always liked to talk about and protected. 'She' was a product of his imagination. I decided not to interfere, Seifer was Seifer, he had the ability to get to your nerves no matter how wrong he was….. when you bother him and his princess…

__

Not that I was afraid of that, I was actually immune to that….But when he realizes his 'tricks' weren't working….he resorts to violence.

I walked into the kitchen, and felt loneliness engulf me….

__

No, not only loneliness, a feeling of lack too…. I missed seeing piles of dirty dishes lying on the kitchen sink. 

I missed hearing about Selphie, one of the other kids; a blonde boy called Zell, and the other brown-haired kid sneaking into there and stealing some cookies. I even missed the dingy smell of used-cooking oil that, before, almost always hung in the air of the kitchen. I missed them all…. 

I stepped out of the kitchen. My heart was heavy, feeling the heaviness that was caused by the flooding of memories. I wanted to cry….badly, but I knew that if I cried…then my sis would not come back. She won't, she told me, until I was stronger….When I'm strong enough already to protect her….from what? She never really told me….She just told me to be strong…..

"Squall, let's go, they'll be arriving soon to pick you two up." 

My Matron's voice sent me back to the world. I ran towards the bedroom and then smiled.

"Squall, child, I'm sure you're going to miss this place…"

__

Yes…this is my home, Matron….I will miss it…. 

She bent down and placed both of her hands on my shoulder. She looked into my eyes, and I looked into hers.

"Promise me that you'll be strong…."

There was something in her voice that frightened me. I heard that voice….though I couldn't remember where…

I nodded, and she hugged me.

"A time will come when you'll have to face your fears…..promise me that you'll be strong, Squall, my child."

"I will, Matron, for sis." I said, and she smiled then stood up. She seemed amused, and then wiped her eyes. _She was crying? And…I didn't know…._

"It's not only for Ellone…."

The sound of waters rolling, and engines roaring interrupted her sentence, and I never did hear the next words….she never completed it_. They were here….to take us away…away from our home….or was it to bring us to a home? I didn't know._

"Squall…take this…I had this made for you."

I looked up into her eyes, and then she placed a heavy necklace around my neck.

"It's for you….keep it. You will be like a lion, brave and chivalrous…promise me that, my child."

I nodded, and she handed me my bag. She waved her final goodbye, and I started marching emotionlessly towards the beach. Seifer was there, grinning at me, ready to mock me, and then I noticed something dangling around his neck… a necklace, different from mine. It was more like a name-tag….but I was sure something was engraved on its 'tag'. I didn't examine it anymore. I just looked away from him and went straight into the vessel.

My feet became heavy as I stood right in front of the vessel's entrance, as well as my heart as I entered the vessel. Even my soul was grieving. 

__

Yes, change as yet come again. Once, taking my treasured sister away, my 'companions', and now, taking away my only 'mother', Matron and my home. But somehow a part of me didn't care. I would be like a lion; I promised Matron, then I would be…soon.

***

As the vessel left, taking me with it. I watched from the deck as my home became farther and farther away. A question lurked in my mind, nagging restlessly.

__

"Am I leaving home….or going home?"

I answered it;

__

That, I will not know until I arrive there……….. 

***

Chris: AIRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! 

ME: yes…

Chris: I thought you should be finishing the Chapter III of that story about Laguna and Squall! Just why are you posting some story between chapters?! Besides, you haven't even finished *ehem* started writing Chapter V of that story about that Ultimecia!

ME: Don't worry, Chris…I..uh…will write as much as I can tomorrow…*thinks* Hey, just why are you here?! We had an agreement that you'll stay out of my fanfictions!!! You belong in the original stories sections of my mind! Now shoo-shoo!

Chris: Dennis and Mayumi are bothering me, besides, you never write about me anymore, so, I decided to drop in…..

ME: Uh….okay, uh, bye, Chris?

Chris: Farewell…..and just finish those fics! Understood?!

ME: BYE!!!---Oh, and not you Chris, the reader thanks for reading this fic…make sure you drop in a **review**!!! I REALLY need them. 


End file.
